NOTE: Use the August Archive links at the right margin to find Part 1 and Part 2 from Chapter 1 of Stressed Family, Strong Family
Concluding the excerpts from Chapter 1 of Stressed Family, Strong Family.
The aim of that book is to help parents raise more resilient kids--sons and daughters who can handle the many stresses in their lives and keep on coping and growing up.
Excerpts from other chapters of Stressed Family, Strong Family will appear about once a week.
Part 3, Chapter 1, Stressed Family, Strong Family
Here is the third set of statements a resilient child ought to be able to make. The previous two sets are in posts listed earlier in the August section of this blog.
Parents, therapists, or school staff can help kids pick those items in these three posts where the youths need more support or guidance. No one has all the abilities listed in the three posts.
Talk to others about things that frighten me or bother me
DO: Set example--tell kids what they need to know.
DO: but tell only as much as kids can grasp about family problems.
DO: Keep some of your adult troubles to yourself.
DON’T: Make a long speech of advice or
DON’T: Make fun of a child who shares fears, mistakes.
Find ways to solve problems that I face
DO: Talk about how you solved a problem (if kids want to listen.)
DO: Tell kids what you’re doing and why.
DO: Keep hopeful attitude.
DON’T: Keep talking or thinking about past failures of child or yourself.
Control myself when I feel like doing something not right or dangerous
DO: Set example of following laws, traffic regulations, etc. (In some dictatorships people secretly have to disregard some laws.)
Figure out when it is a good time to talk to someone or to take action
DO: Say when you will have time to talk, and follow through.
DO: Explain why this is not a good time to talk.
DON’T: Avoid or postpone important talks or actions in your own life.
Find someone to help me when I need it
DO: Tell child about people, agencies who can help in emergency.
DO: Have practice fire drills, at home.
Gain support from my religious faith, beliefs, or spiritual values
Child wording: In bad times I CAN trust in God
Or: In bad times, I CAN trust in my family’s or my own beliefs
DO: Follow rules and practices of own religion as adult.
DO: Support child’s efforts to clarify beliefs. DO: Support child’s asking questions of clergy.
DO: Talk to kids about what you think are important ideas to live by
DON’T: Ridicule your own or others' beliefs, faiths.
Get relief from stress through various activities, hobbies, etc. Child wording: I CAN forget my troubles by doing things I enjoy (such as sports, art, music, hobbies)
DO: Support sports, art, music, hobbies where possible.
DO: Praise when youth has done well.
DO: Make clear that nobody wins at sports all the time.
DON’T: Praise too much
Those items come from fourteen different countries spanning the globe. They can help youths to tell parents and families what they can do to support strengths.
Can your child agree with most of those sentences? Then he or she would be considered resilient in the Civitan study.
Future posts in this blog will cover other abilities that help kids as they cope with stress.
Looking forward to seeing you back,
(William R. Taylor, M.D.)